Dark Night of the Soul
An agonizing and liberating experience when one has come to the absolute limit of wilfulness with regard to a situation or situations. When no part of the tools one has used in the past is applicable. It is where the bag of tricks are at a dead end and one is confronted with non-doing.
One is presented with a debasing of all positions, past views and exercised contrivances.
A feeling of *nowhere to go* at a depth that depletes all grasping to mere folly but without complete release from the trappings of axiety about ones perceived predicament - though even the perception of that predicament is in question.
A poisition from which one does not seek help from others for answers - where *answers* are not sought.
A state where from one comes to put one foot in front of another and one walks in grace with wilfulness suspended - one step at a time in the present as a child.
Question:
Is it possible to become Enlightened or Awakened without going through Dark Night of the Soul?
Response:
Absolutely - and Dark Night of the Soul (DNS) can also be problematic:
In time what you went through can become your story - it can bring you close to Awakening and has so many elements of Awakening, but it does not generally come with the clean release of grasping but rather a sort of fenced-in no-out aspect - a bit like being surrounded by a bunch of police telling you to drop everything and put up your hands - their are no good options - not even to speak - zip/nada - put your hands up and drop everything - get on your knees, then lie face down.
And like the above example - you are not really asked to give up your personhood - that group of “I’s” you consider YOU - but your personhood is temporarily stopped in its tracks and you do not have willfulness as an option - in other words you cant talk the police out of the order - suicide (being shot) or dead compliance are the options.
In the case of the Dark Night of the Soul - you are surrounded by complete futility - the options are the same.
And for a time - you are in the present - with a haunting bleak tiredness.
You do not even resort to planning - futures are of no interest - your previous story seems like fantasy in ashes. You may turn to drink - you may turn to religion - you may sleep endlessly and not answer the phone and contemplate suicide - you may work and do what you must, while carrying yourself as a walking-leadened-dead-weight with each step asking why? But with no interest even in asking or entertaining the question - no interest in sorting it out - there is nothing to sort out.
AND then we come to the crux in the road.
We begin to walk upright - like the first few days outside after a really bad bout of the flu - we are in a delicate physical state and in this case a very delicate overall state. We are planning nothing - we put one foot in front of the other and if need be we just stand and breath and perhaps then sit down or lie down, fine with having had even a moment with some semblance of a part of us being slightly above water.
This goes on for a time and then the crux - outside expectation comes to us and inside impulses of expectation begin to arise - but we are also experiencing SELF - we are IN SELF and their is something familiar and wonderful about it - an awareness of breath and Being that we are not Doing, but that we ARE - a part long covered over and sidetracked in those very noises of futures and pasts and hardened dead positions that we have just put under our feet.
But.............
The sirens start calling ever so faintly - you need to get back on the horse - put your hands back on the reins - you can’t sit on the fence - living in a van down by the river is not a nice option.
At this point, most simply begin to pick up pieces and familiar habituations begin to re-emerge. Some things may be off limits entirely for awhile and others not so much - it is a slow “recovery”. It is slow for many easily imagined reasons but particularly because whole pieces of the former life are of no interest and are no longer of value.
Futures and Pasts both have taken a considerable jump back in terms of planning or prioritizing or wearing as a badge.
And we are once again abandoning Presence / Self, and it becomes soon enough again - “our story”.
Awakening is often fraught with the same sirens - it generally does not come with a haunting bleakness - but it is often extremely disorienting.
In much the same way, whole portions of personhood (often felt as all of personhood) have dropped away - so much so that you also do not answer the phone - but not because you are ten feet under - you simply have nothing what-so-ever to say. And the sirens luring you to their island, are your friends and family that know you are fine but - NOT FINE - and you have no explanation even if you wanted to explain - and at the same time you are uncommonly overwhelmed with immense Gratitude towards nothing and everything.
Question:
Do you think it is possible to enter this state (Dark Night of the Soul) by chance without pursuing enlightenment?
Can it happen to an average Joe whose only outside symptom would be an onset of depression?
Response:
The Dark Night of the Soul is not, as I define it, a “state” one enters as much as it is a train wreck, or falling out of a plane without a parachute. It is not depression with thoughts of suicide, though that and those may come. The definition, as I define it, is:
An abrupt confrontation of your person-hoods willfulness - abrupt and catastrophic - laid to rest - with no recourse.
Ones whole array of Me-ness in ashes - no air in the bag - no Here here and no There there.
You are basically laid out flat and somewhat beyond reason, you find that you are still breathing - and that is about all you have going.
People come and go from Self frequently - and they sometimes Awaken for no apparent reason whether having symptoms of depression or joy.
However - it (Awakening) does happen much more frequently in moments when a person suspends judgement and in some sense disengages from their positions.
(If your question was with regard to entering what is referred to as Dark Night of the Soul without pursuing Enlightenment - and whose only outside symptom was the onset of depression - Dark Night of the Soul has no general correlation with seeking Enlightenment, and outwardly a person could appear nearly fine to most people’s perceptive abilities
The entire discussion of Dark Night of the Soul can be turned into a discussion of various levels of depression. What was put forth above is something different and more defined as a confrontation of ones willfulness and in that, an abrupt debasing of ones personal story(s).
In “classic depression” personal stories grow, positions lock and the voices are often given free rein or sometimes only a few very repetitious negative loops. (It can be hopeless and it can be hard to want to wake up or answer the phone as well.)
It is nearly the opposite with Dark Night of the Soul - though some that are interested in this theme of DNOTS, have included nearly everything, in a sort of group “problem solving” heart themed inquiry “teaching”, and it sells very well.
I Dark Night of the Soul, personal stories turn to ashes, positions have no grasp and locking up on anything is functionally impossible - even the mind loops stop - though for a time the mind may loop on the completeness of the situation - such as the man might say “what the ? Whaaaaaaaat the ?????? Whaaaaat the f..............?” As he begins his free fall from the plane.
Question:
Thanks for this topic - I'm interested in the relationship between depression and dark-night awakening. Perhaps the only thing depression has in common with the dark night of the soul is that it feels bad?
I get that depression is often position-heavy and awakening about the letting go of positions. Still, I can't help but wondering if there could be an unexpected spiritual upside to depression: can the no-way-out hopelessness of depression be used (for lack of a better word) as a kind of crowbar to put oneself in a place where awakening is more likely?
Response:
Awakening is generally not about the “letting go” of positions but rather the "falling away" of position (also called grasping).
In a sense, we are all experiencing depression as we feel distance to some un-pin-able inner unity essence.
Self / Divine Essence / Grace / Love / God - we are these - they are the same. We glue into frequencies that come and go (karma) and comprise them to be our “I”s which we take to be who and what we are - but this “we” that comprises our personhood and our proud stories and our ordeals and bruises and open wounds fall short in the appraisal of who we are and what “it’s” all about.
A great portion of what “it’s” all about is Spontaneous Creativity and so “it” is not all dreary and may be nearly void of dreariness.
The component of depression is the suffering that ceases with Awakening. It is investment in pasts and futures - beliefs - concepts.
All belief is vested in pasts and futures. And the willfulness of our investment in them is constantly grated over the Present in their inertia's with which we willfully and in automation and habituation walk over the jewel of Self.
Depression - doubt - re-dress - these are symptoms of the “pasts / futures” dilemma - and yes they can be helpful in this lost-and-found that we are in the process of discovering.
Great joy makes the lows feel like a mockery. Yet many of our highs are as automated as any experience. It is a peculiarity of our species and this play, to value automated suffering over automated “fun”.
The Dark Night of the Soul, as it has been referred to and defined in these writings could easily be named The Harsh Brilliant Light from which all of the “you”s that comprise your personhood cannot hide, run from, or tape over.
Other definitions of Dark Night of the Soul may easily turn into a hug fest - victimhood and self improvement.
IN The Dark Night of the Soul, one does not want comfort - one wants nothing. It is a settled space. Sudden silence in a patina of drought and incredible weight. One is abruptly faced with nothingness.
It can be like finding oneself falling into a bottomless pit - for a time one is IN the “pit” aspect. After a time it may occur to one that “bottomless” means essentially that one is floating and is not about to be a splat.
At some point one may reconsider the entire assumption of “pit” in relation to having no position, no grasping.
Instead of picking up the “pieces”
of residual selfhood/personhood/position/automation - one may abide in Self and come to Be.
Question/Comment:
I see it as going to the end-of-mind, or exhausting mind, and being on the verge of sacrificing self but something keeps you here, selflessness!
Response:
This view is more along the line of heavy depression - but the use of the word Mind leaves a very wide berth for interpretation.
The key aspect put forth above is in relation to Willfulness specifically - you can’t run (not a mind function) and you have no yankable option of energetically grabbing and twisting your way out (not a mind aspect) and crying and feeling sorry for yourself is also not an option (not a mind aspect) and the mental options were the first to be written off the list - and often having nothing to do with mental exhaustion.
Example:
A group of police surrounding you with guns drawn leaves no mental or physical or emotional way out - zip. All impetus to momentum is dead before starting.
Question:
So if i understand correctly, the dark night of the soul is a transitionary period or side-effect on the way to awakening?
Is it mandatory or an indication of something going wrong?
Response:
It is what it is - it is not necessary and not specifically a side effect of “seeking”.
Some may experience it, some may not.
It could be the side effect of having stage 4 cancer and being told you have a month or perhaps less to live.
Question/comment:
I think all emotions are heightened, and cycle/change very faster, when the egos very existence is put on the line it's like a child protesting.
Response:
In the Dark Night of the Soul as defined here it is quite the opposite of the above quote - their is no protesting - no cycling - the “speed” is that of dead stop. The ego, according to the basically understood definition of it, is withdrawn from - it is not held at bay - it is not being contemplated - it is nothing.
Personhood is withdrawn from - it is like suicide was committed but with no planning and no intention of committing the act - and their is no remorse or rehashing or investigation - it is with a great heaviness that one takes each breath and moves about.
Everything feels somewhat newish - even going to the bathroom or placing your hand on a cup of coffee.
The mind by any definition is nearly at an utter and complete stop.
In some ways - all breath is sipped in by the heart as one proceeds very much alone in a deafening silence.
For some - high anxiety and prolonged hardship are saddled up with the notion of Dark Night of the Soul.
It may also be a deep suicidal voice and a sense of general dissatisfaction with life that drags anchor and weighs upon one that is associated with Dark Night of the Soul.
In the definition of Dark Night of the Soul put forth here, it is much more tangible and typically abrupt and blunt. It is simply too easy to extend the definition to include nearly every quiver in the heart.
When a person finds out they have cancer it can be a whole range of anxieties - but when you reach stage 4 and it’s everywhere - in many cases - your life stops - personhood is put on hold - each day is in the moment.
When a sizable portion of lifes work comes to an end in bankruptcy and ruin - it can be a stop point in interaction with life and family and everything familiar.
Catastrophic consequences can leave one with a spouse or child or entire family dead - there is no retrieval in such a case - it is not possible to put oneself in such a person's shoes.
The sudden and unexpected loss of a long time job - an unexpected announcement of a spouse leaving / divorcing - loss of a home and no money or youth to work with left.
There are quite a number of events that can separate one from one's personhood - disconnect the drive train - remove one from all familiar inertia’s - from inertia.
Full stop mode - but not resembling a conscious choice - an abrupt shift to Present with a sort of black patina and dead weight attached.
The most key feature - all willfulness comes to a stop.
This is about Willfulness
Awakening is Willfulness dropped - all grasping is Willfulness.
All personhood is Willfulness etched in habituation and fortifications of position and belief held in pasts and futures.
Many who experience Awakening come to a stop-moment, in which they drop Willfulness within, to a critical mass and - in an instant - are Awakened.
For many that have Awakened - it has come about in Dark Night of the Soul.
For many that have Awakened - they find themselves in a state resembling Dark Night of the Soul:
It does not have the black patina and the weight is like helium - but past and futures and habituations are gone (at least for a time).
Personhood is missing.
Question/comment:
I am new to this conversation. Yet my heart and mind grasps the thoughts behind the words like someone dying of thirst. No therapy, or book seems to express the feeling of the experience I've been in the last few years as well as contained in this thread. I've often wondered if it wasn't a dark night of the soul but true depression. I see now it's, for me, depression. Yet conventional wisdom aka traditional therapy held no relief or understanding. I've shunned drugs completely. I am...I do want to figure a way thru all of this. I don't know or can recall ever really enjoying this life. Sure there have been moments of distraction where i was young and caught up in life as young people tend to be. Love, sex, the 80s, etc. Now at 55, life holds no...umm...I don't know the right word. I guess there is no sense of going forward with any kind of passion or interest. I long to be absorbed in SOMETHING. To wake up with something to look forward to. I appreciate any insight into any of this.
Response:
Whatever your practice - practice can and will help you to arrive at a peace that simply one day takes place in this regard.
i do not know what the mechanisms are precisely - I constantly thought of suicide for many decades - even after my son and wife and all.
What you explain was always with me - though those that knew me often thought that was the last thing on my mind.
Not long before I Awoke - it simply fell away -
I was meditating a considerable amount - but I had meditated even more in earlier times, decades before.
I had just started Qi Gong - (it is incredible at breaking up held patterns both physical as well as all throughout the subtle bodies).
(It is incredible in post Awakening for breaking up residual patterns)
As much as the allure of suicide was tempting, I was quite clear in the futility of that as some way out - it is more like stepping from one jail into a far more confined space.
One commenter mentioned comedy - laughing - and for me - taking a drive, comedy, movies, a message - it is important to be with some form of relief and play. Even if the “play” is something pretty mundane by most standards.
Fasting was a great help many times in my life and perhaps this would be of help to you as well. It is like a big recalibration to ones natural essence and departure from current trends and crossroads.
The isolation one feels, is in otherness - but even Unity Consciousness does not necessarily remove this malady.
One can BE in everything and the sense of aloneness may still abide - possibly even more as time goes on because regardless of what you know/see/feel you are even less able to share it with the general associations in your life (particularly if you have aversion to overt religious behavior and rainbows and unicorns).
A great deal is in willfulness:
In this itching willfulness - the urge to Do - it is isolating. It would appear not to be isolating - but it solidifies Me-ness in its triggering ever so subtly.
Look at your story and let it go.
(it is in the story that the lie has taken form - the lie that Self cannot simply Be but must somehow be a reward. The notion that cowardice is your problem - or lack of fortitude.)
Pasts and Futures are the gut of the illusion, and only trance takes you past the driving pain of loss of Self - it is a false refuge.
Ultimately, whenever the frequencies of trance subside, we long for something better or more meaningful.
Sleep - waking sleep is everyday life among the sleeping masses.
The addiction to our favorite trances is the illusion - the noise we follow everywhere.
Laughter and sudden beauty are among the best ways to see Present in Presence. NOW has no longing.
Copyright David Doyle 1/2020
